Take a moment to think about where you want to be five years from now. What do you imagine you will be doing, and where you will be. Looking to the future can help you visualise what you want to achieve from the mediation

Put together an idea of your expectations, go through them twice, once when looking at what you are hoping to achieve and once when looking at how your spouse will view your expectations. This will help you balance your expectation with your spouse’s.

Gather all the documentation you can about your financial position. This includes any bank statements, pension’s value of assets such as your house or car and any other financial documentation you can put your hands on. (For a fuller list go to http://mediationinisrael.com/index.php/asset-list/ )

Work out how much your life costs. Make a list of all the outgoings and split the list into shared expenses personal expenses and children’s expenses. If you can keep a list of your expenditure to see how much goes out in an average month that would be useful in creating a realistic picture of what you need to live on. The more information you have the more prepared you are going to be in the mediation.

Consult with your accountant to understand your finances and whether there are any tax implications for any settlement.

Know your rights. Consult with a lawyer. Even though mediation is widely recognised as one of the best ways to achieve a divorce settlement, consulting an independent lawyer to give you advice about what you are entitled to is essential. A mediator should not be giving you legal advice as they work for both you. and your spouse. Contrary to what a lot of people believe about lawyers, in the whole they want you to achieve a good settlement without litigation. Many lawyers would be happy to advise you (of course at a cost) on your rights. This will be money well spent as it will give you a better idea when negotiating in mediation.

Come ready to listen. Divorce mediation can be very emotional and although the purpose is to sort out issues such as the financial settlement and arrangements for the children, it may also include finding some emotional closure and discussing matters which are not directly related to the central issues

Everyone needs support through a divorce but by involving all your friends and family you can be confused by a lot of well-meaning, but not necessarily helpful advice. Try to keep those in the know to a very trusted and small inner circle.

Divorce is a very painful process and does not always bring out the best version of ourselves. In the future when you look back on the divorce process, whatever the outcome was, it can be a comfort to know that you acted fairly and in good faith.