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TEN TIPS FOR SURVIVING CHRISTMAS WITH YOUR PARTNER

It is no surprise to anybody that divorce lawyers are inundated in January. Lots of time together over the festive period, high expectations and big expenses coupled with good measures of alcohol and family do not make for happy marriages. Once stable marriages can appear rocky and cracks in the smiles are already beginning to show by Boxing Day. So what can you do to move into January without calling the lawyers?


TELL YOUR PARTNER WHAT YOU WANT

Understanding what your expectations are will help enormously. Instead of wishing your partner could read your mind and buy you the bracelet instead of the vacuum cleaner, or the remote control racing car instead of the leather wallet tell them ahead of time so you don’t have the disappointment on the day

DELEGATE JOBS IN ADVANCE

One of the major complaints from partners after Christmas is the “nagging” effect. The person running Christmas will be accused of constantly asking others to do chores and not allowing them to just enjoy Christmas. We all know that Christmas does involve a lot of work, but by creating lists and giving them out beforehand instead of handing out chores on the day piecemeal and being a nag everyone knows what they have to do and it is their responsibility to


MAKING TIME

Christmas is a time filled with people, family who visit or who you need to visit, children and their needs, nativity plays and shopping. When our time fills up we tend to put the person who is top of the list in our lives at the bottom of our priority list. If you can set aside a time on Christmas day and get out the house with your partner, go for a walk and just chat you will find that putting your partner first really does pay dividends.


LAUGH

If you can try and find humour in situations when things go wrong, you will go a long way to making your Christmas better. Take a mantra or a funny clip and whenever something goes wrong or threatens to overwhelm you repeat the mantra and watch the clip. It may sound formulaic but it works!


FOCUS ON WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU ON CHRISTMAS

Every person has an idea of what Christmas should be, to some it is a church mass and a house full of decorations, to others Christmas lunch and all the trimmings. Some dream of the perfect tree and the fun of unwrapping all the presents. Others find Christmas lunch followed by board games is their special moment. The key here is to decide what is the most important to you and your partner, and focus on that. Let your family know that this is what is important to you as a couple or a family and tell yourself you can let all the other things go as long as they give you this.

BE A TEAM

Work as a team and talk as a team. Whatever you talk about, try to incorporate the word “we” It is really important when you are facing challenges to feel that you are facing them together. If your in-laws are coming and prove difficult, tackling them as a team makes you less likely to lash out at each other when the people you are actually angry with are your in-laws. When your partner hears you saying “we” it reinforces the bonds of closeness in your relationship.


HUG FROM THE HEART

Make sure that you make time for physical intimacy, and that doesn’t just mean sex. Make sure you share kisses and hugs. An intimate look or simply holding hands in front of the TV all create warm feelings and good will which will see you through the arguments over the clearing up.


GIVE IT AWAY

Allow some money in the budget to donate to charity on Christmas day or if you can, which may be harder, set aside some time to do something altruistic with your partner on the day. Christmas is an expensive time for everybody, and although this seems counter intuitive it does work. The act of giving will create such a good shared feeling with your partner and can sometimes put into perspective the annoyances that everyday life brings.

IT’S ONE DAY A YEAR

Christmas is one day in the whole year. Understanding that not having the perfect Christmas does not mean that your relationship is in tatters is a very important thought to hold onto. If you feel that you have a good relationship for most the year but the stresses of Christmas put such strain on your relationship that you think it is not worth working on, try focusing on some less stressful memories such as summer holidays or birthdays.


DON’T MISS YOUR OPPORTUNITY

It’s Christmas. If you see mistletoe go for a kiss!